| Haven’t been writing much. Realizing that my days have become more and more of a routine and I find it hard to see joy in what I do. It’s funny because of all the parties I’ve attended and friends I’ve made, one would (and has) think that I’ve been having a ball of a time.
When I wake up in the morning, I don’t welcome the new day with open arms. When I fall asleep, I don’t know what to look forward to nor anticipate in the coming day. I feel like an empty shell walking around and doing what is necessary so as to stay on where I am. No emotions to drive me to push forward. Just the necessary. When have I become so emotionless? I really don’t know. I wish I can get out of this constant cycle but I honestly don’t know how.
Since last night, I’ve been obsessed with a thought. What if we could see through someone else’s eyes? Would you be able to tell if someone is upset and down or gleeful?
I think it’s quite rare for someone to walk around without protection on. Without an excuse for why they wore black shoes with a brown belt or why they feel a certain way. Who is absolutely truthful?
To me, the most important thing is whether people are able to see through the façade. If no one can see through it, you don’t have to live up to it. You can keep it tucked away in the deepest regions within you and it’s fine.
I want to know how things can be viewed from another perspective. I wanna look through the eyes of another person and see what they can see. (Ironic, I know, since I’m already studying optometry) When I’m out with my friends and someone sees me, what do they see? When I’m sitting by myself, what do they see? Are they seeing what I am feeling?
Juggling all this with schoolwork is something that I don’t think I can handle right now. I’m taking it bit by bit and letting things flow. Hopefully I’ll make it out of this soon. It seems so long.
Johnathon | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| I remember when I was younger, bout 6 or 7 years old, I used to tied one end of my blanket in around my neck pretending it was a cloak. Armed with an alias and the cane (my sword) in one hand, my house was my pilgrimage to slay imaginary enemies. That could last for hours just playing pretend and the rush that came with being a ‘hero’ was fantastic. You know it’s fantastic and fun when you think back now and it can still bring a smile.
It used to be much clearer when you’re young. The bad guys would be down right underhanded and despicable, but no matter what they threw at the hero, he would still end up coming out victorious and sail away into the future with the damsel. The heroes always look so downright dashing while the villans are uglier than sin.
As you grow older, is the ideas of heroism and villainy still as clear? Villains, to me, at the very least can be truthful and not worry bout being afraid of the things that they are done. Heroes start to seem hypocrite with their pretentious do-gooder attitude when they are obeying something which they disagree to. When ‘villains’ do a good deed and get blamed for it, you don’t see them claiming credit or minding it in the least. They shoulder the blame but in the least know what they did wrong. While the ‘heroes’ claim credit for good deeds they have done.
In trying to find myself, I end up evaluating myself to the point of almost isolation. I’ve been described by a friend as a fatalist. Admittingly, I’m not exactly the biggest optimist, hell I’m quite known to be a cynic. But to be called a fatalist was quite wasn’t what I was expecting. I seem to be off form. I can’t seem to bring myself to hate and ignore the people I should. Neither can I be the nice guy. I’m not cut out to be a hero. I can’t put others in front of myself. I’m so sick of doing the right thing and taking the high road.
I guess I was always more of the villain. I can barely do the whole ‘nice guy consolation’ act. I believe that if one can only get so obsessed and can’t even realize that their own problems are minute then they aren’t worth the time to console in a nice tone. If that makes me a villain then so be it.
I believe that whomever I date or fuck is my own choice be it a mistake or a blessing would be of my own judgment. And if people decide to spread rumors and make me out as a villain then so be it. I am who I am. And I’m pretty much not the white knight. I rather be the villain and not have to live behind a façade. Many would hate me for how truthful and unsympathetic I am. I believe that sympathy should be given to someone right and not some random sap.
If I have to be underhanded at times or offend people to get to my goal in the ultimate end, I don’t think I will hesitate anymore. I cherish the people in my life. But up till now, has anyone cherished having me? Those that have, I wont do them any wrong. But those who simply intend to look at me as a tool and a fool. I won’t care for anymore.
Now all I can do is to harden my heart to be able to ignore those that I should. I’ve been trying very hard but I for some reason am unable to ignore that person. Hmmm, wonder if my heart has really gotten soft or…
For now, that’s all I have. I’m just going to be me.
xoxo
Johnathon | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Picture perfect romance. Correct me if I’m wrong, but many people out there crave it. It’s the idea of a prince with white horse swooping down to carry off your feet or a damsel requiring your rescue. It boost the idea of romance so much. I think it should be grouped under kinky.
I just ended my picture perfect romance. Safe to say, I wont be having one ever again. On the surface, and to the rest of the world, it is a frozen frame of happiness. Take a closer look and you’d be able to look past the façade and see the gloominess that lurks underneath.
My picture perfect romance was named Colin. Funny, thinking back, never had a successful date with anyone named Colin. He was sweet, charming and had all the works. Rich, drives and has relatively good looks. Would walk me to my examination hall in school and wait till my exam ended before sending me home. Promises the world to me making me feel so loved and that he is so generous. It feels almost down right magical. Sounds awesome doesn’t it?
Lets now get to the main story. As we know, in real life, fairy tales don’t exist. This fairy tale pops when the due date arrives. All promises which were made ended up unfulfilled. He was about to disappear in the month of march to go overseas for a performance. I could still remember him telling me “I don’t wanna go overseas. I wanna stay in Singapore and spend more time with you darling”. Might I now ask “dear” what happened to that statement? Oh I got the ans. He got informed ‘last min’ he had to be in a performance overseas. Everyone out there who is in the performance industry, please tell me if it’s possible to be informed ‘last minute’ about a performance that you have to attend. What ever happened to the qns bout rehearsal timing, location and also lodging. I guess one would just fly there, perform, sleep in some backpackers lodge and the fly right home the next day.
Now the thing that cuts the cake. A question posed to monogamist. Would you be in a relationship with an expiry date? Like mine which was 2-3 years.
For those who say yes, I hear you. Then why am I making this point right? After all, 1 year translated to gay years is already a lifetime, so 3 years is like 3 happily ever after. Why I’m making this point is because I was robbed of the opportunity to decide if I wanted to be in a relationship with expiry. I wasn’t given the chance to decide for myself if I wanted to be in the r/s.
So to all that think I’m dramatizing, how’d bout putting yourself into the context. Cuz not many monogamist themselves would be willing to put themselves in the position where the relationship would be void of a future.
Picture perfect romance. It’s so superficial. He once told me “the other guys u dated in the past didn’t know how to treat the one they love”. I disagree. At the bare minimum, they knew what trust is. They knew how to treat me like a person.
Dreams are meant to be dreams and idea romances should just remain as ideas. Bringing it to reality and trying to make things work isn’t the best option. But for some people who still believe and wanna hold on to it, by all means go. Perhaps your relationship won’t end up as a fake fendi. I’ve passed on my advice, gotten rid of whatever negativity I should bare against him. Back to being single and I quite like the label. At least it’s something I enjoy acknowledging my self as.
So my last words to my picture perfect romance and the male lead. I once envied you of what you had and adored you for the qualities which you possess. But I see now that it was nothing more than an act to portray how good a boyfriend you are. Sorry dearie. I love you. But I love me a fucking lot more. I cant be in a relationship where the other party cannot consider his own actions nor be honest with me. I’ll take my chances with a somewhat more mature relationship.
xoxo
Johnathon Kwok | | comments: Leave a comment |
| In view of valentine’s day, figured I should type something to honor it. (Plus I haven’t updated my lj in a REALLY long time)
So then. Raise of your index finger if you are about to embark on a sweetness infused valentine’s date with your special one tomorrow. Now, all those who resent valentine’s, raise your middle finger!
( Wanna know more? ) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Wow it’s the new year and I haven’t even posted a single entry. How disappointing right?
But it seems this year has kicked off to a relatively interesting upstart (at least I know that my relationship part of my life is). Pretty much excited for the new year. Though I seriously doubt that there’ll be a lack of drama. What can I say. I’m an advocate of chaos. I thrive in conflict. One might say im childish but what can I say. Sometimes a boy needs a lil bitchiness =P
Gotten my new year resolutions in order already and im set out to make it come true! Tsk time to down those pessimist (tho I am one myself) Doing this for myself and not just for the sake of making a resolution on new years.
Getting distracted by Victoria’s Secret Fashion show at the moment. Gotta love it.
Well. Now im sick and trying to recover from my fever and cold by getting plenty of rest. Would hate to past germs on to the residences at the the bishan home this Saturday.
How’s this for an ad?
Looking for a part time date who can cook and also take care of me when I’m ill. Pleasant looking and preferably HOT! =P
Then my friend pointed out. “What’s in it for him apart from the virus?”
I really haven’t work that out now have i? hahaha.
But ah wells. Like I will really post a classifieds to get myself a date. I’ll survive!! =P
I pray for all of you that you have a pleasant 2009 ahead! Apart for all the retrenchments and economic downturn and broken hearts…….oh wait……..that’s not a really good start to the year is it? Haha.
Moving on, we’d probably do fine this year. I mean come on! It’s the new year! Fresh starts! Lie and hide bout your past and go get yourself a ‘happy’ meal or two!
Charge people! For a relationship/row in the hay or whatever rocks your boat. Guess I’m joining the rest since im back up on the shelf!
Happy 2009 babes of the world
xoxo
Johnathon | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Its been SO long since I’ve uploaded.
Theoretically I shouldn’t even be typing this with a make up test tomorrow. But ah wells. It’s the sort of thing that bodes on the mind and doesn’t go away until you actually do it. So yeah. Here I am typing my post.
Lets see. What happened recently…
Well I did the forum with OC and I thought it went quite well. (At least I thought it went rather well =P )
Got a pretty darn cool 2009 organiser as a thank you gift from them too. THANKS! =D
No pictures from it cuz it’s a closed door event.
After which was the love amplified concert which I felt was relatively fantastic. Apart from the glitch during the performance. For those who don’t know what I’m referring to, the glitch I’m referring to is Hady Mirza and his ridiculous HIV crack that insulted a lot of people. If you’re really keen to know what I’m talking about, google it.
Pictures will be uploaded unto fb. So those interested can just wait up for the link.
Now in my school holidays and out of WoW game time. Hell I’m bored. Next thing I gotta plan for my xmas gathering. Man its a lot of work. Esp when it comes to alcohol. I know how to drink. But asking me to choose it is as good as claiming my life. Fortunately. I have help.
Now on to impt things. Wishlist =P ( tho I probably know I wont be getting most of them)
- Saw a really nice coin pouch from Agnes B.
- More Onitsuka sneakers!
-Kylie X Live 2008 dvd Santa Jeremy and Satarina Shi Hui =P
-WoW game time card (hell its on my list cuz bored as hell)
Seriously can’t think of what else there is. Lol. Simple and short list huh? =P
So do tell me if you are getting anything for me.
Ps. As many may already know. I’m happily attached ;) and I actually mean it. haha
xoxo
Johnathon | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | random thoughts. | | Current Music: | The Heart Asks Pleasure First-Michael Nyman-The Piano OST | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | Void | | Time: | 04:49 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/sad.gif) disappointed |
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| People always assumed that gays only mix amongst themselves and have close to no heterosexual friends. At most it’s a girlfriend here and there. This would be counted a ‘norm’ when it comes to the analogies of gays.
Why?
Here’s my theory. Its not that we don’t try. It’s that finding a heterosexual, be it guy or girl, who is void of homophobia is almost as good as impossible. Let’s not talk bout being void of homophobia, finding someone who is able to be mature and sensitive bout the issue of homosexuality is equally as bad.
With friends, you put up with jest and mockery day in and day out for the sake of friendship. You lower your guard and threshold because you trust them. Then I ask. When is it alright to then stand up to your friends and claim back what they have taken?
I’m sure we’ve mostly all been in that position. We turn a blind eye knowing our friends out there are quoting us in mockery and giving us nicknames. It’s happening to me now anyways. Friends who make snide remarks.
A simple example.
When I tried inviting 2 girls to a forum I’m bout to speak for, another girl chipped in to throw a snide remark.
‘Later if you go, they’ll take you as lesbians’.
Somehow I found that line quite offensive. I was inviting someone else and she said that line to crush that attempt. What’s wrong with being lesbian? I myself am bisexual. What else am I suppose to understand from that statement?
I shan’t continue. Most of you already know what I’m getting at.
So yes. I do have a lot of gay friends. From different walks of life. I do have close friends who are heterosexual too. Quantity should be 2?
It’s hard to bear cuz u know and care for them as friends and won’t want to end up cursing them. I guess friends happen over time and as for those who wont even try to be friends and make a mockery of me whenever they can. I can’t pretend that it’s all cool anymore. From now on, I’m closing up. I can only be very surface level with them. Trust has been lost. I’ll only open up to my closest of friends from now on.
xoxo
Johnathon | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| Boys boys boys. Never learning from experience. Resorting to the same old tricks again and again trying to charm their way into someone’s pants. Surely it’s time for the players to be the playee and be up on the chopping block.
Interesting to see so many little kids trying to cultivate their little acting ambitions from a young age. All pretending to be suave gentleman’s with words so sweet they can charm the birds off the morning willow. To begin with, won’t pleasant looks have to be a general requirement? I mean the aim is to give guys wet dreams and make them want you. Not to give the psychological trauma which requires a life time’s worth of counseling?
I wonder. For those who read to this part and feel so infuriated and such injustice. Might I question if you are the kind that I described or perhaps just the sort who simply enjoy being played like a toy but refuse to admit it? Cause dearie, this ain’t a rant and little boys out there would surely know.
For a lack of a better example, how about we just settle for A? Lets set the scene shan’t we? Lil A is currently in the army and apparently gives off the vibe of a relatively sweet kid. On first sight, one might fall for his believing act and then spiral downwards. Its interesting that little boys use the same ol’ line that it gets so sad. ‘I have problems with commitment’. ‘I’m not sure if I’m ready for love again’. ‘I’ve been reflecting’.
But your reputation or rather your crave for dicks precede you.Gee I wonder if it really is ‘as confusing as ever’?
Usually, I would take some pity. But using the same lines that has existed since the time that frat boys found out that’s the easiest way to get an easy lay. A tad too lazy don’t you think?
Honey, why not just be truthful? Repeat after these words “ I need a dick up my ass and love just doesn’t fill me up as much as a good pounding”
Now that wasn’t so hard now was it? Pun was absolutely intended.
I’m guessing now I can say. It’s the survival of the fittest. If you wanna play games, make sure you pick your opponent well. Or you just might end up digging your own grave. I’m no juvenile when it comes to playing games. If you think you can take me down then give it your best shot. Just be sure not to end up like lil A in this post. Having your dirty little jocks sunned out to dry under the rainbow spectrum.
xoxo
Johnathon
* note: boys in this post refers to those in their teens to their mid twenties. Or rather in A's case. Just a full 20 *wink* | | comments: Leave a comment |
| The new school term has started and it’s now more or less a new start, got to pull up my socks and work harder for the new school term.
Thus I’d like to take this chance to blast away first. Some people just are asking for it. It’s simply irritating to have to handle shit from other people anymore, especially those who are so self-centered to never be able to reciprocate when I need a friend.
I’ve always tried my best to be there for my friends whenever they needed me but now it’s gone to a point of being plain ridiculous. Honestly, if you expect me to take in all your shit and solve them for you but you have nothing to offer me. Not even an ear to listen to my problems. Seriously. What the fuck do I look like to you? An emotional black hole?
Another type I especially hate is the ones who comes to you for your help but when u need help, they don’t reject you directly. They agree to help but disappear when they have to actually do it. I’m so tired of all this fucking bullshit. I don’t want to have to baby sit anyone anymore. Leave me out of your little circle of dramatics cause you’d return to it anyways. I don’t want to have to pull anyone out of their fucked up bullshit anymore.
I’m not invincible. I need friend’s support too. It’s so pathetic that I myself cannot turn to depend on my close friends because they never seem even free to talk to. The one who understands me the most right now is someone who hasn’t even known me that long. But at the very least they are willing to take some time off and ask me if anything is wrong and not wait till their tv show has ended or till they stopped playing game. Enough. I’m reshuffling. I’ve don’t even want to bother to name names. You god damn know who you are. If you can play the part of a friend. Then floor it cause I’d prefer not to here from you ever again.
A fresh start for me. I don’t want to have to deal with nonsensical and never-ending drama. I don’t want to have to go through this phase again in a few months time. I need friends to. It’s over now. No more.
Johnathon | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | random thoughts. | | Current Music: | Take A Chance On Me-Julie Walters & Stellan Skarsgard-Mamma Mia!: The Movie Soundtrack | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | Birthday happenings! | | Time: | 01:08 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/energetic.gif) bouncy |
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| Finally all the celebrations and cakes are over!! Received my last present last night courtesy of Andy.
So hectic so hectic! Time to recap! First group that celebrated with me is my clique with guest appearance of Kalvin and Andy. Really enjoyed myself that night! Thanks! Hehe and love the wallet too. Very simple just chit chat and chill with lots of laughs.
Second grp was my girls from poly. The celebration was held on first of October as it was one day away from both mine and xh’s actual birthdays. Haha first time I’ve received home made chocolates from someone so thumbs up to you Dawn! Thanks for the plushie too! Then there was the ‘surprise’ birthday cake. I swear to god if you girls have had gotten a bigger cake, I’ll make you ta bao home! Enjoyed the whole ‘you dunno where you are going so u just got to follow us’ experience. Hehe at least I got to watch house bunny that day. Really fun day!
Then there was of cuz celebration with my family and I think I quite like my gifts. Mum bought me 2 tickets to Abba Mania and Dad toke me shopping and I ended up getting a pair of black 2xist. Not bad I guess.
Then of cause there will definitely be the belated celebrations from one or 2 people.
On sat, armed with 2 tickets to Abba Mania, I asked Ben out. The whole night was more or less on him because he wanted to give me a birthday treat. I must say that Abba Mania was REALLY enjoyable! I mean how many time can you say at 17, at Abba Mania, you sang ‘You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen’! Was a ball of a time and I hoped Ben had a good time too =P
Last night was with Kalvin and Andy. Not much on celebration but received my gift from Andy! Then the rest of the day/night was spent on chit chatting over coffee =D
All pictures can be found on my facebook’s albums!
So once again, thanks for all the wishes and gifts!! Love you guys!
xoxo
Johnathon | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Bedtime is such an interesting topic.
When we were young, and fear the dark and are unable to sleep, we used to have those adorable cute night lamps then chased away our fears. Being so young, we didn’t have that much problems nor things to analyze.
At most, it was for the monster below our bed or the ghouls which hid in our closets.
Where adulthood is concerned, bedtime is where we get to reflect on our own behaviors and hold on to little secrets that we hide from the rest of the world.
The yearning for that special someone whom we do not possess.
Reflection of the choices we have made,
Rationalizing the mistakes that we have committed.
Who knows if it’s the silence or is it the darkness that affects us. It stops us dead in our tracks. When we lie on our bed, everything catches up to us and we can no longer avoid it. When you have dealt with everything in your own mind and could come up with a conclusion, you enter your slumber and you face a brand new day when the sun rises.
What happens when you are unable to reach even that bare minimum level of conclusion?
Yesterday, for the first time, I did something that I didn’t necessarily agree ethically to. But did so still for the sake of my friend. The ethics-factor bugged me so much that I was unable to turn in. When moments like such happen, we turn to friends. Who won’t mind sacrificing some moments of their sleep to offer you advice that could possibly make you laugh or cry or simply stop doubting yourself.
When we lie in bed, there is no one else but us. Whatever we did. Whatever that has been said. Whatever that has been done. Whatever that we have heard. It’s the only time where we can be by ourselves and question what we have done and reflect on them.
It’s the time when we are alone and there is no one to judge us but us. Would you side logic or the familiar? Would you admit that you were wrong? Would you let go of something when you know the time is up? Would you stand up and decide for yourself or get manipulated and bend to the will of others?
You decide for yourself.
Enough has been said and done by me this few days. Melodramatic relationships have finally drew its finale. For me at least.
For those who are reading, decide what is right and wrong on your grounds. Manipulation and emotional blackmail shouldn’t write your life. Don’t fear the judgment of others. Fear your judgment. Live for yourself.
xoxo
Johnathon | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | random thoughts. | | Current Music: | The Winner Takes It All-Meryl Streep-Mamma Mia!: The Movie Soundtrack | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | Mamma Mia | | Time: | 02:42 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/blank.gif) blank |
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Low and behold! The much anticipated ‘Mamma Mia the movie’ is finally in the theaters and I’ve already caught the preview for the movie on Tuesday! Hehe.
So yea. Spoiler alert!
We’ll I’ve not watched the musical. So I won’t really know how far off it is from the actual plot. –but I’m intending to catch it when it hits Singapore in oct =P – I personally thought that the show was quite enjoyable. Pierce Brosnan is good looking but damn hell he can’t sing. Like seriously. But I thought that though his singing was off, that moment was rather cute. And cute is already a very good level to reach especially when it was between him and Meryl Streep.
For those who might have found the movie erm lack luster and not doing justice to the musical, perhaps look at it from the point of simply a movie. It was funny, light. And enjoyable. Not to mention songs by the abba.
A good watch if you wanna be out on a date or perhaps competing with your parents to see who knows the lyrics the whole song =P
4 out of 5 stars for me. Go catch it! I’m going to watch the musical and then compare =P
xoxo
Johnathon | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Relationships, putting aside the durations and all, are horrible to handle. They warp your mind and churn your insides till you feel so sickly and nauseated that you can’t leave it. It leaves you yearning to see that special someone so much that it changes who you are.
For all who have not noticed, I’m not talking about new age romance. How one wants to interpret open relationships, I leave it to you.
Gay relationships are so painful and tiresome to handle. Shouldn’t we never feel tired when we are in a relationship? Shouldn’t the love that they shared be enough? Unlike heterosexual relationships, homosexual ones have no ultimate goal nor possible exact paths plotted. With heterosexual ones, there is the dating, the seeing of the parents, engagement, having kids, cheating on wife and etc. But where is the definite and clear cut line for gays? Maybe they can adopt? Maybe they can get married in another country? Its just tiring I guess.
Away from just about homosexual relationships, I think that relationships in general are like owning your own place. With a partner, you are comfortable, you can stay in his arms and wish for time to freeze. But when you break up and move on, it’s as good as moving house. You pack your life into little bits of cupboard and hope to find another place suitable for you to stay. Even after you find that new home and you get settled in, there will still be boxes which you will not unpack and you just store them in the storeroom. We probably will not open those boxes for a long time. Just like we probably will never fully get over someone.
In the far future, when we unpack that box, we might even actually notice something we’ve should have never noticed in there before. Perhaps like Freud once said ‘ our beds are crowded’. We just might never be able to completely start anew. But at least with this ‘boxes’, we just might be able to not do wrong by ourselves time and time again.
For all who have found love out there, be childish, be proud, be contented. Mostly…be happy.
For those who haven’t, just wait for it, a true romance is worth waiting for.
xoxo
Johnathon
Johnathon is a romanticist and has been described by a few people as a clichéd lover. Love strawberries and strawberry short-cakes as well! Currently having his 1st semester break! For all who enjoyed the BL anime ‘Gravitation’, go catch the anime titled ‘Junjou Romantica’ .
Jamata. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | random thoughts. | | Current Music: | American Boy (Soul Seekerz Club Mix)-Estelle-Remixes | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | hot hot hot! | | Time: | 10:47 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/happy.gif) cheerful |
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| Gosh I’m tired. HAHA. Tried my first lesson in yoga yesterday. Hot Yoga that is.
It is so much fun to do yoga in a room kept at 40 degrees constant, but of cuz before I had even started, I was already perspiring! Needless to say, by the time I was out of the studio, my shirt was soaked in sweat. It actually feels quite good to sweat it all out. Seems pretty good for distress, wont u agree? =D
Definitely would love to try it again. – even though I have difficulty doing a lot of the moves - Hurray for yoga!!!
Something else for me is that I have finally received my belkin sling bag!!! It is so hot! Will try to take pictures of it and upload it –provided I’m not too busy imagining what I can fit in it - anyways below is the picture that I toke during lunch one day. I am watching ‘Sex and the City’ on my ipod. Selina and Abigail were watching ‘Family Guy’ and XH and HW were watching some Taiwan drama… DAMN CUTE AINT IT?! IPOD DAY!!
xoxo
Johnathon
Ps. GO TRY HOT YOGA! =D | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | ranting | | Current Music: | Dancing Queen-Sixpence None The Richer-Sixpence None The Richer | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | Catch up... | | Time: | 05:28 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/tired.gif) drained |
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| I am so thoroughly exhausted. Haven’t wrote much recently. The mood just doesn’t seem here with me. So much has happened in such a short period of time –good and bad- that I guess many of us should start reflecting.
Recently, caught the show ‘Koizora’ which I’ve been wanting to watch for the longest time. Sorta knew the storyline and all but still loved every bit of it. Cliched but doesn’t make it any less of a good show. For those who do like romance, do catch it.
Now back to business, let’s start with the happy stuff I guess. Firstly, Happy Birthday Selina! Finally older eh? Hahaha… all the best…and hopefully what you wish for when u blew off your candles will come through!
Another thing to be happy over is that all my projects for this sem has officially been completed and I don’t have to fret over them anymore.
Finally been to Henderson wave and Hort park. Went there hiking with my mum last sat. It’s a good break in-between all that’s happening.
And that’s bout it.
Hmmm… lately I wonder how powerful words really are.
We use them to: insult people on our blogs
wish someone well when they are leaving
comfort a friend who is down
Where do we draw the line of what’s right or wrong? It’s ironic when people hate you for expressing your own points of view and they themselves hide behind a veil. Politics are getting a lil irritating and seriously, fuck it all. It’s so stupid and childish that I already see no point in discussing it further.
Friends pose another problem… Do I just happen to pick friends who like to keep their problems to themselves? Cause it’s seriously getting on my nerves. ‘It’s just like this’ , ‘ He has his moments and needs to be alone’ . My gosh… if they really wanted to be by themselves so much, then why bother being friends? And it’s not like I didn’t try… every time I try to probe further, I either get silence or a non-responsive answer.
Why is everyone around me getting into their emo mood swings? Did I miss a newsflash? Am I suppose to be cutting my wrist now? When the most fun I have had is meeting a friend –whom I’ve not met for a month- for coffee and the most stimulating conversation I’ve had recently is with someone whom I dunno –happened this afternoon- , I wonder what does it say.
Currently, I’m tired. I’ve done my best. God know’s I’ve tried. I’ve asked, I’ve cared, I’ve asked you guys out. If u choose to be non-responsive, then I see no point in trying. Perhaps it’s like Kalvin said, nonchalance might not be a bad thing. I see no point in naming names. You know who you are.
I’m done here… Fuck it all…
xoxo
Johnathon
P.S. Links to the pictures:
http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=33554&l=471a5&id=728114116
http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=33739&l=11d69&id=728114116
http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=33740&l=1106a&id=728114116 | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | random thoughts. | | Current Music: | Every Breath You Take - Emi Fujita (藤田恵美) - Camo | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | Blah... | | Time: | 12:46 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/okay.gif) okay |
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What a start to this morning. Wasn’t really keen to wake up. Feel so drained. Awoken by ‘Mamma Mia’ sang by some ge-tai singer across the road courtesy of the temporary hawker center… The speakers were just booming and echoing into my ears.
Hmmm… I wonder what sort of friend people view me as. Anyone care to give me a head’s up? I’ve always been the vocal person. (I’m sure many of you will agree) Never to hold back my comments and advice to friends. To friends who’ve come to me for advice, I help those that I can.
But recently, I realized that I’ve been choking. Things which I would usually say, I keep within and just smile for those friends. I wonder if my lack of words are due to the fact that I care for them and am unwilling to say the words of ‘get over it’ or perhaps the fear of losing them as friends. I guess no one will feel good bout themselves in my position. Seeing a friend who is depressed but there is nothing that I can do to help apart from smiling and being there for them.
Last night was spend staring across nothingness and enjoying a breeze with a depressed friend in silence. Not sure what words I was suppose to say to make him feel better nor things to make him smile. I hope the silence was good enough to help him think through his dilemma.
I guess not much to be said already. So yeah…to my close friends, I do have moments when I choke but doesn’t mean I don’t care for you guys. Whenever you need someone to talk and confide in, I’ll be there…or just keeping silent would be good too.
Gonna meet a friend for coffee later… got to get my mood up! =D
XOXO
Johnathon
( Click to see my past! )
“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.” George Bernard Shaw.
Don’t you just love cynicism? :D | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Haven’t updated for more than a week again. With good reason though. Been ill for quite a while with a mesh combination of symptoms and I’m not fucking well yet!!!
Recap of what I’ve been up to. Last sat, went out to celebrate Jeremy Max’s birthday. Despite a few hitches, it was still really fun. 4 guys and 1 girl along orchard road with nothing better to do nor place to go. AND, we toke a way Jeremy’s virginity! Virgin experience in taking neoprints that is! HAHA.
It was a really fun day and the first time I was out with Daniel again since things sorta soured. Gotten over him but there was still an awkward feeling I guess.
Photos can be seen at
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=29944&l=19f29&id=728114116 (Really lazy to do an LJ cut and post pictures) Pictures were taken by GR!
On Sunday, me and Jeremy Ng headed over to the MAAD bazaar. It was fun! Lots of things to see and buy (but things weren’t cheap!!) I ended up buying a white dog bobby tee which to me is like the cutest tee I own! Feel free to pet him when I’m wearing him =D
After which, I brought Jeremy Ng to another friend’s birthday…Jeremy Chua’s to me more precise. I know I know. Jeremys dominated my entire weekend. But it was quite fun. Ran into an ex date there and now we are more or less on talking terms. (didn’t really end on amicable terms) and the night ended with me feeling more sick than ever!
Photos @ http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=29950&l=47437&id=728114116
The time at home has done me not much good. It seems like my love life has been going backwards and revisiting old lovers again. If it didn’t work out the first time, why should it work out the second right? With J, can’t really tell if I wanna put in the effort to work things out. And another figure whom still doesn’t seem to get the message that I am not interested in him the way he is with me.
I just don’t think I wanna handle a special other right now. Like Miranda said “ if you have any un-special friends” you can introduce them to me. I’m going to apologise to diabetic-ly sweet people who are trying to woo me, for I’m going to be mean as hell. My apologies but I don’t have the effort to handle ‘sunshine’ and weird phrases of affection. Just someone down to earth and someone willing to go slow… Any out there? Haha.
xoxo
Johnathon Kwok | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Some might find it rather pathetic and sad that someone has to go on a date himself. However, i found it just simply revitalizing.
Too much has happened recently. Too many drama and also too many negative emotions running wild. I need the time to be with myself and enjoy my own company. I wonder if i am the cause of everyone's dramatics or do they just somehow involve me in it. After another break up with reasons that i still do not accept fully, i decided that i wanna drop off the face of the world and be by myself. Just for a little while. And this would be the platform to knowing how i'm doing in the mean time. I guess it's not just me. We all need a break. Hopefully we'll all be fine after this.
Here's the link to the pictures of the date i had with myself. (guest appearance by my mum as well!) Hope u like the shots.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=29044&l=3f65f&id=728114116
XOXO.
Johnathon | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | beginning | | Current Music: | Music Inferno-Madonna-The Confessions Tour | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | Wanna dance? =D | | Time: | 11:52 pm | | Current Mood: | bouncy |
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haha. Thanks for the concern! ah wells..my 5 seconds of melodrama has officially ended =D
Now have to cramp 202 slides of human biochem into my brain. But incase some daft people cant get my previous post...yes i am single. Now, time to enjoy **smirk**
Found this song in my playlist and cant stop hearing it. I have a thing for disco even though im not from that era. MUSIC INFERNO!!! 80s disco rocks!!! (not the fashion though =P) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Tags: | finale | | Current Music: | Spell-Marie Digby-Unfold | | Current Location: | Home | | Subject: | Finale | | Time: | 04:20 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/indescribable.gif) indescribable |
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Perhaps the beginning of my mistake was catching a movie with you or when I picked up my phone and typed the sms. I was hardly expecting this ending to be the one for us. But now, the curtains are down and the finale has ended,
I have no tears to shed nor vulgarities to hurl. I’m tired and this cycle has me down for good. My guard was down and everything that I said and did, I meant. Perhaps others on the outside will never understand what is done or the feelings shared.
I wish it was my fault and I’ll be able to scold myself and ask you for forgiveness. I won’t bother going after the person who caused all this. Maybe like you said, this just isn’t the right time for both of us to be together. But I don’t think I’ll be ready for a third time around.
I’m back to where I started. Gained some friends, lost some friends and wondering what’s important to me. I don’t want a big fancy smashing party or a huge gigantus vulgarities hurling session. But I just wished our ending could be something more than this. One which can honour what we had and shared.
I guess it’s over now. No pictures to show for nor memento to keep close. As if what we had never happened. Just memories that I will keep around me. When the world gets cold and I lose faith, these memories I will wrap myself with to keep warm. We can never be what we could be nor go back to what we were. I said ‘it’s ok then’ but I guess its just that. Nothing more to say nor do.
I love you. And this is goodbye. xoxo
Johnathon | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
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